The Seasons of a Marriage

It’s clear to me that no marriage is perfect.  Unfortunately not everyone seems to appreciate this fact.

Part of the high divorce rate is a result of people not understanding that a marriage goes through seasons.

Spring is that period of time when excitement is high and energy levels are at their maximum.  The sweet smell of intoxicating endorphins fills the air.  You and your spouse are energized with a spirit of adventure.  You share new ideas and they are received with excitement.  Sex is incredible, for both of you.

 Summer is a period when things seem like they are in the doldrums.  No one feels like doing anything.  Every day seems the same.  The sense of excitement is no longer present.  People feel bored.  You may question if marriage was the right choice for you.  Sex occurs, but it seems to have lost some of its passion.

Fall ushers in renewed excitement.  Color decorates anew the drab halls of your heart.  Newly discovered energy restores hope in your relationship.  The intensity of sex returns.  Memories are shared that remind you of why your spouse is the one you wanted to spend your life with.  A contented smile replaces your concerned frown.

Winter is the scariest season of a marriage.  Sometimes it is swept in on the winds of a great wound that has been inflicted.  Your soul feels the chill.  Intimacy goes into hibernation.  A giant chasm separates you and your spouse.  You fear the chasm will never be closed, and yet you fear that it will.

None of these seasons follows the predictable cycle of our natural world.  No one can predict which season will follow another.  Nor can anyone tell you how long a season might last.

What I can tell you, based on my thirty-nine years of marriage and having counseled hundreds of couples through the years, is that no season lasts forever – it only feels like it does.

Don’t panic when summer and winter cycle through your marriage.  Both seasons are inevitable.  But if you are strong, courageous, honest and open with your spouse, these two seasons won’t last very long.

Perhaps the best thing my wife ever said to me was after a cold wind blew on my neck and I was fearful of winter being on the horizon.  I asked her if I had hurt her in some way, was there something amiss that I needed to know about.  I said, “I don’t like facing my day if we aren’t right.'”

Here’s what she said to me:  “Together we are ‘very right,’ but it’s just that individually either one of us could be a little off on a particular day and that’s alright …everything is fine!”

As quickly as that cold breath of air appeared, it dissipated in the wake of a warm spring wind.

The same might happen for you.  Hang in there.