Marital Boosters

Looking for some practical tips to improve your relationship with your spouse?  Jim Alexander, LCSW, with the Meier Clinic, gives these helpful suggestions.

1)    Keep dating!  Couples who grow their marital friendship have a bond that sustains them in more difficult times.  Ideas?  Take turns planning the date from start to finish.  Also be sure to  alternate activities so that one month you are doing the familiar “tried and true” and then the next month you are trying something new. 


2)    Have a Three Meeting Marriage!  Spouses who meet weekly on logistics, romance and conflict resolution are sure to thrive.  Logistics takes a calendar look at who is doing what in terms of time, date and place that will have either an indirect or direct influence on your spouse.  Romance involves fun, friendship, courting and caring.  Conflict resolution means each person takes a look at their behavior first when arguments flare.  Take a look at Matthew 7:1-5 for some biblical wisdom on the subject.



3)    Use the Prayer Model! Pray together using these three themes: 

     – Each thanks God for something about your spouse. 
     – Each prays for something specific that is important to your spouse. 
     – Each prays for help to change something about themselves that is a concern for their spouse.


4)    Do a marital “progress note!” Reflect on these questions about your relationship.  

     – What things are going well? 
     – What things are not going well? 
     – What steps can we take today for consolidating the positives and addressing the negatives?



5)    Share these messages with your mate at least once a week!
     – I love you 
     – You do some things very well – even better than me.
     – I find you physically and emotionally attractive.
     – I appreciate your contributions to our marriage.
     – I trust your judgment.I respect your opinion.
     – I care deeply about your well-being…now and always. (Philippians 2:4)


6)    Touch one another!  Holding hands, arm around the waist, one decently passionate kiss each day.  A prolonged hug speaks more than almost anything else. That kind of hug says with great meaning that “I never want to let you go.”  These daily doses of affection do not mean it is time to engage in sexual intimacy.  These daily doses do improve the quality of sexual intimacy more than any other “method”. However, sex may happen later in the week. The daily dose reminds each of you whom you love.



__________ _ _ _ __________



Jim Alexander is a licensed clinical psychotherapist at the Meier Clinics in Fairfax, VA.

Meier Clinics Musings.

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