Staying together in a ‘hopelessly unhappy’ marriage

Harry Benson is the author of the article in the link below. In this age of “throw-away marriages” people need to stop and realize that divorce will often not result in the happiness they were seeking. Consider these findings from a study that he quotes:
Three out of four unhappily married adults were married to someone who was happy with the marriage
Three out of four divorces happened to adults who had been happily married five years previously
Unhappily married adults who divorced or separated were no happier, on average, than unhappily married adults who stayed married.
Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married five years later.
If both people are willing to look at themselves and work at it, most marriages can be “saved.”

It’s almost exactly twenty years since my wife Kate invited me to a ‘meeting’ hosted by her vicar’s wife. I had no idea what was coming.

She sat me down and told me we needed to talk. She talked about our eight year marriage and our two lovely girls, how we had a good social life and a lot of fun.

And then came the bolt from the blue. Life at home had fallen a long way short. Kate told me she was hopelessly unhappy because I wasn’t the friend she’d hoped and needed me to be. If I didn’t get my act together, our marriage would be over within a year.

Well, it took me several months to work out what on earth was going on. But to cut a long story short, I made some important changes that radically transformed our marriage. Here we are twenty years later, still married…

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3 thoughts on “Staying together in a ‘hopelessly unhappy’ marriage

  1. As of course you know, both have to be willing to work on their marriage. After years of issues not being addressed, due to recreational things, that the other may be unwaveringly devoted too, more so than reparing a marriage, after years of asking. One gets tired of trying. Does there come a time when it is too late? It sure appears so!

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